I am a 43 year old woman. I have a very good and rich life, and, though I suppose I could do better in all areas, I could most certainly be doing worse. I have a wonderful husband who is a good Dad and someone I can depend on. I love him. I trust him. I believe in us. As a wife I think I am good enough, though I would like to be better.

As a person I feel I am smart enough, though my short-term memory seems to be seriously lacking for someone who is not a pothead, though with my anxiety issues I might qualify for a medicinal prescription in some states. I am a friendly person and like to see the best in people. I try not to be judgmental. I went through a period being friends with some gossipy gals and thought we were being funny and clever, for awhile. Then I felt we were being mean. And, then I found out they were talking about me too. Hard lesson learned.

Now I have my friends I feel safe with. Also, I don’t really have secrets. It is not that I have never done things I am ashamed of, it is just that people will either like me, or they won’t. If I can stay out of jail and not have Child Protective Services called on our family, I am doing better than a lot of mothers in our country. That said, I have not messed up enough to-date to have that happen to myself. I have also not been falsely accused of anything as-of-yet. I am not gloating about this. Part of me is amazed that I have held it together enough to have a thriving family as long as I have. Maybe this is because I have been fortunate enough to have lots of good people around me. I have found that there are people who like to like people, and those who try to tear you down. Optimists and pessimists. We all have the ability to be both. I am choosing the light. I need levity in my life! I do my best to hang with the nice people who are also trying to make the world a little bit better, in their own ways; The nice people who try to find the best in others, and when being critical, they try to find the other’s motivation for ticking them off. Understanding. Patience.

I am a mother to 4 good kids. All wonderful young human beings, whom I enjoy spending time with. Two girls and two boys. At this date they are: Boy 13, Girl 11, Boy 9, Girl 6. I feed them and clothe them and facilitate their busy lives.  Each one of them is involved and talented in their own endeavors. My husband likes for them to be involved in one sport and something artistic at all times. I love this plan. They are doing this and more – much more. They are all enriched so much that we are spending oodles of money that could be going towards college and I am driving them all over the place every day. Sometimes this feels good and I feel blessed we have chosen this. Sometimes life feels so zany that I want to strip it all away. Maybe it would be a good idea to SAVE that money. I have justified the expenditures by saying that our kids don’t go to private school. We enrich them outside of public school. This might not be the way to go. I want simplicity. Do they really need to be tutored along in all of these areas? What about having hobbies that make them tinker around our home? I want to encourage them to love their lives and do things that make them happy – and I don’t mean that I should be letting them play video games 24/7, though my boys, in particular, would seem perfectly fine to do that. I’d like to slow down some and get bored together. Play more board games. Play cards. Do craft and wood working projects. Experiment with discarded motors, nuts and bolts. Cook more elaborate foods. Bake. Take more walks with our dogs, a black lab and westie.

We live in a beautiful Victorian home in a beautiful village filled with good neighbors and friends. We have lived here for 14 years and are invested in our community. I am so grateful that life has allowed us to put down strong roots. I can’t imagine moving from here. We have invested so much of our time and most of our resources into our home. We are currently 90 percent finished our second major home improvement and addition project. The last 10 percent is crawling along, though. About a month ago, I was at the end of my rope; feeling like I was in my eighth month of pregnancy. Craving order and control over my home. I shall write about that period in life more in depth later. Suffice it to say that I was in crisis. We have been without a kitchen since June and while we have had a nice mock-up temporary kitchen in our basement, my positive attitude had gone away by mid-August. Then we had Hurricane Sandy and a freakish snow blizzard at the beginning of November. Mother Nature whammed us two years in a row, which is something else I will write more in depth about. This kind of unreliable weather seems like it could be our new normal. I am getting my head around that one. Today, I am not in crisis. Today, I have hope. I will keep writing… In the meantime, I shall go downstairs and peek in on my two middle schoolers. Give them each a hug and a kiss. Make sure they ate something. Check my daughter for lice. That is another story. I better get down stairs (6:41 AM)

Much Love,

LB